


Secret Menus

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [23]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Gen, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 05:57:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7703200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>fight me</b><br/>there is a chance i may have just made washington cry</p><p><b>jamesmadd</b><br/>seriously</p><p><b>disney god</b><br/>i leave for two hours"</p><p>*<br/>Jefferson returns. Maria has a serious vendetta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Menus

**alex defence squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

 **fight me  
** why is the group so dead

 **aaron burr  
** They had to deal with you

 **fight me**  
rude  
are you still not sleeping

 **aaron burr  
** Final assignments will all be finished up next week

 **fight me  
** thank god

 **aaron burr  
** Also why are you awake

 **fight me**  
is this a serious question  
why AREN’T i awake

 **aaron burr**  
It is too late for this  
Go away, Alexander

*

 **get ur own dicc  
** tHIS IS A CALL OUT POST FOR HERCULES FOR NOT KISSING ME BEFORE HE WENT FOR BALLET CLASS

 **angel  
** hercules does ballet???

 **jamesmadd**  
well he does have very nice legs

 **disney god  
** ikr

 **baguette fucker**  
smh but it’s tru  
those thighs tho

 **dosiaaa  
** @ **disney god** how long have you been learning ballet

 **disney god  
** @ **dosiaaa** since i was a kid tbh  
i begged my mum for dance lessons  
she refused and signed me up for karate instead  
but then like the ballet class was next door  
so i just convinced like the management there was a mistake with the system and “yes i am totally meant to be in the ballet class what are u talking about”

 **fight me  
** sneaky

 **disney god**  
ikr  
should have been a spy

 **peggy  
** do you have performances????

 **disney god  
** er yeah there’s one at year’s end

 **peggy  
** can we come

 **eliza  
** rt

 **dosiaaa  
** rt

 **ayyyymaria  
** rt

 **disney god  
** yeah ofc

 **get ur own dicc**  
field trip!!!  
to see my boyfriend!!!  
(who didn’t kiss me)

 **disney god  
** @ **get ur own dicc** xxx

 **get ur own dicc  
** close enough

 **baguette fucker  
** @ **get ur own dicc** if you weren’t so busy fighting you would have noticed me and alex have been making out for the last few minutes

 **get ur own dicc  
** gtggtggtggtggtggtg

*

 **Boss Man**  
_online_

Alex, please stop infuriating Jefferson.  
I know you don’t like him but he is your coworker.  
And it would be best if he didn’t come into my office every other day to complain about you.

okay i get you  
but gimme a mo i need to check the office pool to see who won

Excuse me?

there’s a pool to see how long it would take for you to beg one of us to stop

Then you can take a day off the current tally because I begged Jefferson yesterday.

what did he say

No.

are you surprised

I wish I was.

i feel you  
but are you sure there is no way for us to get rid of jefferson

Not without cause.

oh i have cause  
it’s be-cause i hate him

I’m just going to ignore that.

*

 **alex defence squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

 **fight me  
** there is a chance i may have just made washington cry

 **jamesmadd  
** seriously

 **disney god  
** i leave for two hours

 **aaron burr  
** I’m not even surprised

 **eliza  
** what have you done

 **fight me  
** he told me to stop annoying jefferson

 **angel  
** for some reason i feel i can already see how the rest of this story pans out

 **get ur own dicc  
** alex ily but for health reasons i need you to stop

 **fight me  
** hmph

*

 **disney god  
** i just came back from ballet and alex is passed out in the kitchen???

 **dosiaaa  
** how many times is that?

 **disney god  
** the tally sheet says 5

 **get ur own dicc  
** so the laundry room is still in the lead then

 **disney god  
** yup

 **baguette fucker**  
can’t blame him really  
under warm laundry seems vaguely comfortable

 **angel**  
but like  
bed???

 **baguette fucker  
** i think for alex as long as it is vaguely horizontal and soft he’s good

 **get ur own dicc  
** lol he’s so cute

 **disney god  
** i know

 **peggy  
** ew people being cute

 **dosiaaa**  
you have a girlfriend  
with whom you are frequently cute with

 **peggy  
** haha ikr

 **ayyyymaria  
** come let’s go be cute

 **dosiaaa  
** ew

 **aaron burr  
** hello

 **angel**  
okay everyone is to be quiet and stop

*

_jamesmadd has changed the group’s name to “kinkshame jefferson”_

_jamesmadd has added better than you to the group_

**peggy  
** the déjà vu is real

 **jamesmadd  
**_forwarded messages_  
            **better than you**  
            it’s not beastiality it’s taking a special interest in nature documentaries

 **aaron burr  
** Can you see my soul leaving my body?

 **better than you  
** hahah very funny

 **aaron burr**  
Oh there it goes  
Goodbye, soul, goodbye.

 **better than you**  
but seriously fuck you james that’s so out of context

 **jamesmadd  
** @ **better than you** i don’t even think context can save you rn

 **baguette fucker  
** @ **fight me** @ **get ur own dicc** @ **disney god** can we just be 100% clear here and say that furries are not okay in this relationship

 **angel  
** @ **jamesmadd** aren’t you glad you broke up with the guy

 **jamesmadd  
** @ **angel** very

 **better than you  
** rude

 **fight** **me  
** i think i speak for all of us when i say your opinion doesn’t matter

 **disney god  
** @ **baguette fucker** i am 100% okay with a lack of furries in our relationship

 **jamesmadd**  
this isn’t even about furries  
it’s about b e a s t i a l i  t y

 **better than you  
** no it was not

 **ayyyymaria**  
wait is this thomas jefferson  
violently purple coat wearing jefferson

 **better than you  
** yeah?

 **ayyyymaria**  
oh you fucking suck  
this french shower came in the other day and demanded for a drink off “the secret menu”

 **better than you  
** were you the one that served me

 **ayyyymaria  
** it appears thomas jefferson may have a chance at winning are you smarter than a fifth grader

 **better than you  
** you made me the drink so i don’t see the problem

 **ayyyymaria**  
there is no secret menu asshat  
you got a frappe with a shot of caramel inside it that’s it

 **better than you**  
i paid $10 for that??

 **ayyyymaria  
** take it as compensation for the breath wasted in trying to explain to you a lack of an actual “secret menu”

 **get ur own dicc  
** so we have established that jefferson is a “not all men” kinda guy as well as a general asshole

 **fight me**  
i figured this out long ago  
you all took really long to catch up

 **dosiaaa  
** @ **jamesmadd** how did you even put up with him for so long

 **jamesmadd  
** @ **dosiaaa** i deserve a nobel peace price honestly

 **eliza  
** i think @ **jamesmadd** can be a certified diplomat at this point

 **angel  
** #anythingbuttrump

 **better than you  
** why am i being dragged like this

 **angel  
** no one likes you so

 **better than you  
** not even you? (;

 **baguette fucker  
** i think that last text alone could make me celibate for the rest of my life

 **ayyyymaria  
** rt

 **jamesmadd  
** rt

 **angel  
** rt

 **disney god  
** @ **baguette fucker** (;

 **baguette fucker  
** thank god for a handsome boyfriend

 **disney god  
** @ **better than you** suck it

 **better than you  
** i really rather not

*

 **better than you**  
it’s been several hours i’m surprised no one has kicked me out yet

_fight me has removed better than you from the group_

**fight me  
** whoops it appears he spoke too soon

 **ayyyymaria**  
is there a way to air out the chat group  
just to remove the stench of jefferson

 **dosiaaa  
** wow you really hate him don’t you

 **ayyyymaria**  
when the guy comes in one minute before closing and demands for a drink off the “secret menu”  
and then refuses to listen when you try to explain there is no such thing  
and then doesn’t leave a tip  
you will consider it very generous he didn’t leave with the contents of the “secret menu” shoved up his ass

 **eliza  
** wow okay point taken

*

 **Maria Reynolds  
** _online_

so is there actually a secret menu

N O ALEX  
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST  
NO

imma pretend I didn’t say anything

tHAT MIGHT BE THE WISEST MOVE FOR U RN

**Author's Note:**

> "why is the group so dead" because the author has been busy.
> 
> Hello! It is so nice to be back! Apologies for the short chapter but life is still really hectic, hopefully everything goes well.
> 
> My play is over! It went well, and my projects are... still not... over but what can you do. Anyway, Pokemon Go is fINALLY OUT IN SINGAPORE WHAT TEAM ARE YOU TELL ME BELOW
> 
> Chapter notes!  
> The jokes are [here](http://i-loki-you.tumblr.com/post/148535209158) and [here](http://comstocks.co.vu/post/148271360548/hamilton-is-there-no-way-we-can-get-rid-of) respectively.
> 
> Also I'm playing a game where you can ask me for ["dvd commentary"-ish things](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com/post/148447887336/writing-meme) about any part of the fic so if you like, my ask is [here](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com/message).
> 
> I live off kudos and comments so please leave them if you think the fic is worthy. I love seeing them, especially comments, really brightens up the day.
> 
> As always, my tumblrs are [here](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) and [here](http://covetsubjugation.tumblr.com). See you around!


End file.
